i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
