The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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