Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
