How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
