I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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