i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
