Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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