Im at strip club and am horny
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
