We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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