the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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