I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
