woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
