You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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