He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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