Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
