ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
