Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
