it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
