i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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