you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
