I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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