3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize