what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
