Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
