Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I believe in your delicious
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