It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
