i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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