You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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