If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize