So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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