fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
