Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
