I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
