whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
