my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
