I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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