She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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