After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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