He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
