you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize