i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
