I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
