hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
