I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
