he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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