I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
