then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize