the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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