Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
