Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
