some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
