My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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