Only a mothe r could love this liver
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize