It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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