she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
