this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize