I am midnight drunk by noon
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My dick has a subreddit
I have fence marks all over my body
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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