I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
