nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
