Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
