I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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