Got a toothbrush?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Damn victory sex feels great
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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