i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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