i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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