we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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