ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
