Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
