the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
