Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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