White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
