i will never coherently bang her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
