i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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