Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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