There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize