Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
