i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
