That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
