Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
